The Gangsta-Al Qaeda Connection? A Blottered Investigation

OK, stay with me here.

First, there was Jose Padilla, former Chicago gang member and luckless would-be bomb maker. He never even got around to obtaining any uranium like the tehrrrists asked, of course. But even though he's rumored to be borderline retarded, Jose Padilla was deemed an enemy combatant, so they snatched him up and threw away the key. Poor Pucho. But maybe this gave Al-Qaeda an idea: let's get the gangstas all up in this shit.

Last week, as you'll recall, Li'l Kim's former boyfriend and his fellow mujahedin "Cash Money Brothers" crew were busted for allegedly dealing cocaine in Bed-Stuy and murdering five people over the past decade. But here's the kicker:

Hardy, who has been in custody since last August after being nabbed when he returned from a trip to Iraq, is due to be arraigned in Brooklyn Federal Court today. Eight members of the gang were arraigned yesterday, and four others were being sought....Hardy was taken into custody last year after traveling to Iraq and the Middle East on a bogus passport. When questioned by federal agents, Hardy allegedly said he would fight in a jihad against the United States and claimed to be Jesus.

So, what exactly was he doing in the Middle East? Who travels there with a fake passport? The guy came right out and said he was fighting a jihad! Where, now, is this supposed anti-terrorist task force Bernie Kerik is purportedly heading up? I mean, as was noted here, the investigation has been going on for years now:

The investigation into the Cash Money Brothers began in June 2003 after customs agents seized 8 kilograms of cocaine from a courier arriving at John F. Kennedy International Airport from Grenada, said Martin Ficke, special agent in charge of U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement's New York office.

Grenada? Jesus Christ, get these guys to Gitmo, stat. (And while you're at it, take Li'l Kim too. Her plastic surgery is a fatwa on good taste.)

I know what you're thinking. (I mean, seriously, I can read your thoughts.) Tenuous connection so far, right? But dig this big crux, in today's Post:

Osama bin Laden tried to buy a massive amount of cocaine, spike it with poison and sell it in the United States, hoping to kill thousands of Americans one year after the 9/11 attacks....Bin Laden hoped that large numbers of Americans dying from poisoned coke would lead to widespread terror.

It's a bit disappointing that this didn't work out, as it wouldn't be terribly tragic if every PR flack and B-list starlet in this city dropped dead, but still--Ha HA!--the circle closes!

From Jose to Li'l Kim to Osama in three easy steps.*

*At press time, this reporter was unable to connect the Source bigwigs shooting in the Flatiron District this weekend, but she is working on it.