VHBO2M05: You're not gonna sing for us, are ya, Sammy?

As we dive deeper into the crucial stats, Marshall Stax, math-rock, and hit-and-run regression analyses to predict the winner of the Van Halen vs Baltimore Orioles $2M Lawsuit '05, we seek to answer the perpetually haunting question: In a parking lot brawl, who would you rather have on your side? A guy who threw his back out sneezing or the guy who once said about David Lee Roth, "I wanna knock the guy out with the first punch. I don't want to be rolling around on the floor with him, you know?"

Sammy Sosa vs. Sammy Hagar in a Googlefight
"Sammy Sosa" - 710,000
"Sammy Hagar" - 373,000
Advantage: Orioles

Previously: VHBO2M05: It Begins, Part 2: Eddie! Eddie!
Image from the Hungarian band Sammy Sosa