Don't Rove the Boat

Karl Rove will soon be indicted in the CIA leak case. He has answered Frank Rich's call of "Will the Real Traitors Please Stand Up?" Now he will most likely wish Al Gore a happy mother's day in song and distribute it on AllOfMP3.

Official Blottered Suggested Sentencing: 2,000 hours of community service collecting beer bottle caps on an Indian reservation.

How A. Meiwses-ing of Him

German Armin Meiwes ate a willing participant Bernd Jurgen Brandes and got a life sentence for it.

"Judges at the first trial said they based their verdict of manslaughter on defence evidence which suggested Meiwes' victim had volunteered to be eaten and killed. Meiwes maintained that he would "never have touched" his victim had he not wanted to be killed." The Independent

This reminds me of a joke my brother claimed he made up:
Two cannibals are eating a dude. Cannibal A says to Cannibal B, "How is it?"
Cannibal B says, "I'm having a ball."

My brother was about 10 when he first told me this.

Memphis Crime Waves: Not Bye-Bye

"Crime is seamless, that's the main message. We have to realize, just because we have one side of street here and one there, that there is gonna be a difference in law enforcement, there really isn't." says Steve Shular, with the Shelby County Sheriff's Department. [WREG-TV]

I'm not sure what he means, but someone better cover me when I head to the counter for another Big Mac.

Show-and-Tell City

FBI Special Agent Tom VanWormer hopes the discovery of a boy in a motel room with an alleged Internet child-sex predator serves as “another slap-in-the-face wake-up call that this happens in Tell City." [Perry County News]

Coincidence, I'm sure, but Michael Jackson is from Gary, Indiana. That's a long drive to Tell City.

Driving Directions from Gary, Indiana to Tell City, Indiana [Yahoo]

Knock knock. Who's there? Snore.

Ever wondered what an FBI memo looked like? Here's a recently declassified FBI memo concerning a March 8, 1971, episode of Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In. My colon clenches in fear. Apparently, they did not have that reaction; theirs was more like logic your mom might make: "Calling people names only makes you look bad, little Timmy."

The FBI's summation on Laugh In:

"All in all, this skit pertaining to the FBI was rather typical of the poor fare that is served on this so-called laugh show, a show that has gained some considerable notoriety by its risqué jokes and irreverent satirical attacks. Tasteless, sometimes downright vicious jokes and a great deal of forced humor add up to a more telling commentary on this low-grade show itself than on the FBI." Harpers Mag

p.s. Remember when Goldie Hawn was a dish?

"Spree": Not Well

Much like how the word "star" is being abused by the likes of Kevin (The Original Babby-daddy) Federline, Paris (Triple Threat and Hole) Hilton, Lindsay (Beep, beep) Lohan, Britney Spears, Olivia Newton-John, Michelle Kwon, the iPod, Simon Cowell, Steve Jobs, Mesothelioma, Tom Cruise, any porn actress, and large former talk-show hosts married to presumably gay men (Ms. Jones, I'm looking at you, not all at once obviously), the word "spree" seems to be falling in valuation.

"A trio of Winnipeggers have been arrested for their alleged role in a weekend crime spree that involved breaking into a hotel room, stealing a purse from a party, and trying to cash a forged cheque." Cnews.com

Bonnie and Clyde are weeping at the patheticness they hath wrought.