The Guns of Crofton

In the heat of an argument over the family's ailing black poodle, police say, the teenage son of a federal agent strapped on his father's body armor, camouflage gear and service weapon early yesterday, walked into the kitchen of their Crofton home and fired at his parents, then fled in their car.

This happened about 4 hours before I got a phone call from Jessica Coen asking if I could guest-edit Gawker for a couple of days. It's just one block from the home I grew up in and where I am currently situated for the holidays. I once had a Washington Post paper route that included this house. I didn't hear about this story until I saw the article this morning. Damn, Crofton is EDGY!

Of note: the family had only moved here a month ago, the father is a DEA agent, and the son ran for cover where they previously lived - Jersey, of course.

Crofton Teen Shot at Parents, Police Say [Washington Post]

Hot for Chelsea : 1785 days late and a few marbles short

On Sunday, an Arkansas man was arrested after jumping the fence onto White House grounds.

A court-ordered report from the District of Columbia Department of Mental Health said Shawn Cox, 29, of Mammoth Spring believed that Chelsea Clinton still lived at the White House, and that he was destined to marry her.

Says Robert Benedetti, licensed clinical psychologist, of Cox: he's "grossly psychotic and manic."

C'mon, Benedetti, that's kind of harsh, don't you think? Just 'cause Cox has the mega-hots for Chelsea shouldn't automatically mean he's batshit nuts. Maybe "in possession of questionable taste"...but certainly not psychotic. Afterall, she's cleaned up kinda good since them White House days, no?


Man Arrested at White House Reportedly Interested in Chelsea Clinton (ABC 7 News)
White House Fence Jumper Was Looking for Chelsea Clinton (FOXNews.com)
(Special thanks to my awesome, secret source!)

More Lenny Than Lemmy

I know the logo of Gawker Media's new The Consumerist blog looks more like that of the crappiest hate-metal band from Scandanavia (perhaps named Beelzebubba's Gun and who would of course still sound pretty good), but when I made this comment on Gawker about it I think I was just reminded of the deader than Dellinger Jerry Orbach.

Two wrongs DO make a right...

Today, Saddam Hussein, himself, had the opportunity to cross examine witnesses at his trial. One of them, a woman from the town Dujail known only as Witness A, described how she was abducted at 16, held at the infamous Abu Ghraib prison, chained naked to a table, electrocuted, beaten with steel rods and then sent to live, impoverished, in the desert for over 4 years.

The defense, after alluding that Witness A's interest in the case stemmed largely from possible financial compensation, asked if she felt that her situation mirrored those of the Iraqi detainees, i.e. were dogs turned on her? Photographs taken? No. As a result, "the defense managed to weaken the force of the case against Saddam Hussein."

I don't mean to take a cavalier attitude regarding how those upstanding Iraqi individuals fared under the U.S. Military, but honestly, if I had my choice of being pissed on and photographed OR whipped and shocked whilst chained in my birthday suit and then sent out to live the rest of my youth in a desert, well, bring on the golden showers.

Saddam challenges torture testimony (BBC News)

I Wanda...I wanda steal your shit.

Southwest Floridians are under siege by a new breed of ultra-clever, stealth-footed cat burglars who show no mercy when it comes to stealing "the good jewerly".

Like something out of Ocean's Eleven, these thieves have an iron-clad plan to break into heavily guarded winter vacation homes and locate even the most covert of hiding places.

Says Ruth Daymon, an area semi-resident and recent victim:

"I'd left [around $20,000 worth of jewerly] on the nightstand"

The burglar...came into the house through an unlocked door in the garage that led to the house.

While still in her home, Daymon confronted the thief, a short, heavy-set woman dressed in pastel capris, and was almost fooled into believing the quick-witted alibi:

The woman said: "I Wanda," and then "Work, work," Daymon recalled.

A "funny feeling" incited Daymon to pursue the cunning con: "I didn't know she had my good jewelry at the time or I would have run faster."

Unfortunately in this case, Daymon was no match for the gazelle-like speed with which the thief padded down the driveway and slipped into a rented budget car, helmed by a slick accomplice.

When asked why this new wave of thieves is targeting Floridian residents, Collier sheriff's Cpl. Dennis Huff said, "The weather is nice this time of year."


Law officers warn of traveling burglars (Naples Daily News)